My First Panic Attack

        It's a little past three in the morning and I just got to work. Right now, I'm currently sitting in a unit where I remember having my first panic attack. I remember so much of that night. I was in my 7th year of working graveyards. We were having a nacho bar pot luck that night when I got to work. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love food. That night I felt different.....and not hungry which was not normal for me. I was shaking and I couldn't seem to get my mind to slow down at all. I couldn't concentrate on any tasks that night. I called a co worker who was working in another unit and was trying to explain what I was feeling at that moment. He offered support and advise the best he could.

        I began to cry and realized I need to go home. I could not stay and definitely could not focus on anything. I called my floor Sergeant and instructed me to go sit in her office till she got there. When she arrived, I told her what was going on and I needed to leave. She had medical staff check my vitals and my heart rate was high. She took me off the schedule for the rest of the week and instructed me to get in touch with a therapist. I can't remember if my sleeping issues started before or after this night. All I knew, is I was safe at home now.

        The next morning I called our Employee Assistance Program and was able to get six free therapy sessions. As I waited for my first appointment, I went through the motions of everyday life. I was physically present at home and with my kids, but emotionally and mentally, I wasn't there. It was pretty much like the lights where on in my body but no one was home. Till this day, I can remember how it all felt. 

        My six free therapy sessions were rough. I tried to explain my law enforcement job to someone who had no clue what it is like to work in this field. When I would tell her about how much overtime we were working, she thought it was easy to just not work the overtime. In all reality she wasn't a good fit for me and I realized I needed someone who had some type of law enforcement knowledge. And so my search began......

Comments

  1. BekschmittSeptember 25, 2021 at 5:23 AM

    I’m so sorry friend. I remember my very first one too. Every detail and it was 22 years ago. I appreciate how you’re sharing. I hope it’s good for you… but I KNOW how much good you are doing for
    People that suffer with the same challenges and need to
    Know they’re not losing their fucking minds. ♥️ lots of love to you.

    ReplyDelete

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